I hate Shittsburgh

On the verge of the Bengals taking sole possession of second in place in the AFC North, I feel that it’s definitely time to talk about how much I hate the Pittsburgh Steelers. I briefly mentioned my distaste for those unintelligent baboons in a previous post, but my hate goes so much deeper that, in honor of this weekend’s big game, I have decided to delve into my loathing of the franchise. I mean, honestly: my biggest fear is ketchup. The Steelers play at Heinz Field. I have no choice.

For starters, I will talk about how their second place tie right now is garbage. Both the Bengals and Steelers are 1-1. Neither team should be 1-1. The Steelers should clearly be 0-2. They won their first game courtesy of multiple Tennessee mishaps and brain farts (including two missed field goals). Cincinnati lost their first game courtesy of the dumbest play I have ever seen.

Then Jay Cutler led the Bears to a victory over the Steelers last week. Yes, Jay Cutler. The same Jay Cutler that threw four interceptions against the Packers defense. That same Packers defense couldn’t contain the explosive Cincinnati Bengals last week, even though the piss-poor Broncos managed to do it for the vast majority of week one. Jay Cutler led the Bears to a 17-14 win over the “defending champs” (in quotes because I am sick of people referring to them as such). You only gave up 17 points. Way to go. Carson’s better than Jay Suck-ler, though.

The Bengals lost their season opener on a complete fluke, to put it nicely. It was not shocking to any Bengal fan anywhere, but a load of dung nonethess. After that, Carson and the offense came to life against Green Bay and looked pretty good, apart from a few lackluster throws from #9. The defense (aka Antwan Odom) stepped up big in most aspects, too. Other than a near last-minute collapse, it was a very solid day. Take away the pick six, seeing as how the defense had no part in that, and they only give up 20 points. So, in reality, Cincy’s D is holding opponents to 16 ppg, even though it should be 13 if not for Stokely’s garbage six points. Not half bad, if you ask me. If Carson’s smart, I’m thinking we may see a lot of the good from the offense and more good from the defense. Mix in the rookie special teams duo of Quan Cosby and Kevin Huber, and the Bengals don’t look nearly as awful as usual (I hope).

So, after reading those two extremely unbiased and convincing paragraphs and convincing all four of my readers that the WhoDeys are looking good for a win this weekend, let me tell you how much I despise the Pittsburgh Steelers. If mine don’t convince you, here’s eight good ones from WhoDey Revolution.

First, I HATE Hines Ward. I often avoid the word ‘hate’ because I feel like it is an extremely strong word. For Hines Ward (and the Steelers), it is not strong enough. He doesn’t even have a smug smirk on his face. Instead, he is always smiling. It’s so annoying, I can’t even put it into words. Especially because it’s just because he’s squinting all the time. On top of that, the WhoDey Revolution guys make a great point: anyone could be a great receiver when your team constantly runs the ball and leaves you in single coverage on almost every play. Take a bow, you bum. Hope you enjoy analysts praising you because you “play the right way.” I guess the “right way” is taking that cheap shot on Keith Rivers last season. He says it wasn’t a cheap shot because there wasn’t a flag on the play. But he was fined $15,000 and a rule was put in place making those blocks illegal. That’s gotta be the right way, Hines. Then the guy comes out and says he’d be willing to do it again this year. Classless – just like all of Pittsburgh. Eff them. And, considering ketchup is my biggest fear, the name Hines pisses me off.

Haha. Pussy.

Haha. Pussy.

I absolutely can’t stand Ben Roethlisberger, either. He’s constantly whining. Every single week you hear people talking about how tough he is because he has an injury. Hey Big Ben: stop being a pussy. Just because you’re sore doesn’t constitute an injury. But you have to make sure that the press knows every single week that you’re hurt but you plan to play through the injury. This is the NFL. Everyone is sore after every game. Just because you tell everyone about it doesn’t make you tougher. It just makes you more of a vag. I’ll bet you were sore after you rammed your motorcycle into another car, but you didn’t come out and tell the media that every day, now did you? I can’t wait until Antwan Odom owns you just like that car did. You bitch.

Antwan Odom will be the car to Ben Roethlisberger's motorcycle

Antwan Odom will be the car to Ben Roethlisberger's motorcycle

Just because this is already too long, I will stop with this last thing I hate. The stupid “terrible towel.” From what I understand, this all started for a good cause. I couldn’t care less about that. They’re stupid. It’s no different than any other towel, except that they say they’re “terrible.” For instance, I dry my hands with a towel in my bathroom. If I write “terrible towel” on it, does that change anything? No. Absolutely not. But the ignorant fans in Pittsburgh don’t understand that. Instead, they want to wave it around their heads like the bunch of swine that they are.

This is terrible, those towels are not.

This is terrible, those towels are not.

Pretty much sums it up

Pretty much sums it up

So, in conclusion, I hate Pittsburgh. The city, its inhabitants, its fans and especially the Steelers. They worship Terry Bradshaw for chrissakes. That should sum it up. He’s a complete hillbilly. Just like all of the Steelers fans. Anyone can win with 45 guys who are juicing twice a day. Congrats, Terry. You’re still a complete ignoramus.

I can’t wait to hear them Bengals growling, mean and angry after the Steelers are dismantled this weekend. WhoDey.


~ by nchaney3 on September 24, 2009.

One Response to “I hate Shittsburgh”

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